January 2012
8 posts
We’ve had near constant snowfall today.
The main roads have been so-so, but secondary and rural roads are really slick.
Now that it’s nightfall, conditions are even worse. The drop in temperature has made the so-so roads even slicker and visibility with heavy snowfall at night is horrible.
These are not the kind of conditions you want to be out driving in.
Yet, employees of a...
Resolutions suck (except for this one)
I had one of those crushing moments last week where someone carelessly reminded me that I’m fat.
There I was, perfectly content, then WHAM!
Oh yeah, stop being happy, you’re a big fat fatty. You’re not allowed to be happy because you don’t fit into single digit pants. You cow.
Oh, and just to top it off, you now get to feel guilty about eating anything because...
December 2011
8 posts
I just downed a vat of Dayquil and some Mucinex.
I’m going to kick this cold’s ass
Or overdose
I'm really glad the heat works
But 80 degrees?
Is that really necessary?
I’m wearing a sweater for God’s sake
I look like I just ran 3 miles in my work clothes
AND THAT IS NOT A GOOD LOOK FOR ME
I read in Tuesday’s Iowa State Daily that the College Republicans have begun collecting sundries for U.S. soldiers serving in Afghanistan and Iraq. Why? Doesn’t the U.S. Army victual its soldiers? Don’t their families send them yuletide goodies? Aren’t GIs paid enough to buy what they need, and even what they want?
Iowa State lecturer Thomas Walker
1. While I think it’s wrong, soldiers...
November 2011
12 posts
I’m sitting here with my head propped up on my hand and I suddenly smell biscuits
Like really good, fresh biscuits
So I look around to see who I’m going to have to stab for a biscuit, and the smell goes away
So I put my head back on my hand
Biscuit smell returns
Look around, because someone is definitely here somewhere with a pan of biscuits
Put my head back on my hand
...
I've been working my ass off today
I was feeling pretty good about my contribution and nearly forgot that I hate this place.
But then I got a load of crap about not responding to an e-mail fast enough.
Then I was told to make another coworker “feel good.” Whatever the hell that means.
So the bitch “tells” on me because it took me longer than 2 seconds to reply to her e-mail and I’m supposed to...
There’s a Kroger near our house, and sometimes it’s Ghetto Kroger and other times it’s White Trash Kroger.
The thing is, you never know which one it’s going to be.
So sometimes I walk in and it’s all ghetto people and I’m like “Oh my bad, wrong day. I’ll come back when there are more mullets around.”
Anyway.
I have to go to Kroger...
Piss
Poop
Puke
Animals do this crap all the time. Sometimes they do it on your bed or in your shoe or on your effing leg.
If you can’t deal with it, don’t own animals.
Thank you.
Took cat urine to the vet
Found out said cat has a “raging” bladder infection
Spent a ton of money on meds
Spent not a ton of money on a soft pretzel
Ate soft pretzel
I think you’re up to speed on my morning now
2 tags
You know what's messed up?
Talking to a friend for months about her upcoming wedding, only to find out she decided not to invite you to the damn thing.
I hope someone throws up on her dress before the ceremony even starts.
Hell, I might sneak in and do it myself.
October 2011
6 posts
1 tag
Forgive the melancholy
This past weekend we learned my grandpa’s mouth cancer is incurable. He lives in Hawaii and we won’t be able to go see him. He can’t talk on the phone because he can’t really talk at all.
I was feeling a little helpless, because I don’t know how to handle the fact that the last time I talked to him I didn’t know it would be the last time.
So I took my...
1 tag
September 2011
23 posts
I’d say a good 75% of the time I’m only pretending to have any idea what the hell I’m doing.
And now that I’m thinking about it, 75% might be a tad generous.
1 tag
I just read this:
Or is the lord of the rings series going to have enough longevity to be quotable in twenty years? I actually think this will be the case. I mean how could we not love a movie about a bunch of gnomes with hiking backpacks carrying a ring to a volcano? Sounds like the makings of a classic to me! They should have called it “epic gnome hiking adventure”!
And my brain is...
Netflix, you make me sad
When they raised their prices the last time, I naturally grumbled about it. I mean, who wants to ever get charged more money for something? Even if you really like it, you’d rather pay as little as possible.
But I got over it, because I really did like Netflix. I reminded myself I get a lot out of the monthly fee I pay them, and I got over the price hike.
I don’t think I’m...
I don’t feel like doing any of the things I’m supposed to do this weekend.
I’d rather just sit around eating and watching a Doctor Who marathon.
Or something equally dorky.
Also, if anyone has any pointers on how to act happy for someone when you really aren’t, that would be great.
Just super.
2 tags
7 tags
A letter to someone
I would have been happy to stay your friend. I wanted to stay your friend. It was unimaginable to me to not keep you in my life. I didn’t know how to just stop loving you the way you stopped loving me.
But you made it impossible. You kept breaking my heart over and over again. You’d take me to the edge only to pull me back with words of love and kindness. And I believed them...
